Unplanned Interruptions
by allabouttonight12
Summary: Sequel to Unplanned Blessings, Read that to understand this! After having her life turned upside down, Reba has hard choices to make and even harder ghosts to live with.What will she do in the end? are her choices right or wrong? How can you tell anymore?
1. Chapter 1

**I hope you guys enjoy this next story; it's the sequel to Unplanned Blessings. It won't be near as long as Unplanned Blessings, but I hope it's still good! Please R&R! **

I felt Scott's heavy sleep breathing beside me and relaxed some. It must have all just been a dream. I curled up towards his arm and felt a strong surge of pain in my torso area. I let out a moan automatically. I opened my eyes to see what caused the pain only to find myself in a white room with an IV in my arm. I looked around confused as I tried focusing in on my surroundings. Scott was in a chair by the bed I was in; his head was resting by me with his hand holding tight to mine. There was a big window with thin blinds covering them from the soft light coming in. it looked like it must've been real early morning. My arms were all wrapped up in white bandages, clear under the hospital gown I was in. I lifted a shaking hand to my face and felt some kind of bandage over my left cheek bone. It hurt to touch it.

_The baby, is the baby okay?_ I let go of Scott's death grip on my hand to fling the blankets away from me, despite the pain it caused me. Before I could even see my belly, Scott was standing, very alarmed and holding my arms down.

"Reba honey, don't move. You're not supposed to move any." He turned his head and yelled a name I didn't know. A bunch of nurses and a tall man came running in. I couldn't follow what they were doing exactly, they were moving too fast for my eyes.

"Scott." I said as I looked over in his direction. He cupped my face in his hand soothingly.

"I'm right here honey, just relax." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to force this oncoming headache away. After what seemed like forever, they let me sit up at an odd angle and stopped touching me.

"Can I get a little water?" I asked as I felt how dry my mouth was. A nurse left the room without a word, leaving two other nurses and that doctor guy in the room with me and Scott.

"How're you feeling Mrs. Hart?" the doctor asked. I just looked at him without a word.

"How do you feel Reba? Tell him." Scott encouraged.

"How do you think I feel?" I snapped. I tried to lift the blanket again but a nurse was quick to stop my arms. "I just want to see my baby; is that a crime?" I snapped again. Nobody said a word. I looked at Scott who was looking at me with sad eyes. "Why're you looking at me like that?" I asked getting scared.

"Reba," his eyes were filled with tears. "We lost the baby." I felt everything inside me sink. I pulled my hand out of his automatically.

"You're lying." I said trying to be accusing but ending up sounding scared. "Tell me he's lying." I said as I looked at the doctor in a pleading tone.

"You took an incredible fall Mrs. Hart; you fell down 40 some stairs full forced. There is no way a young fetus could survive a fall like that." I felt my throat close up as I put both of my hands over my belly. _I can't feel him anymore._ My eyes were burning as realization flooded me. I lost my baby.

"I'm so sorry."I looked over at Scott as he cried. I closed my eyes and relived the fall.

_My hand automatically covered my belly as I headed for the first step, face first. My other hand tried to break the fall but failed. I hit hard and did all I could to keep my belly safe as I tumbled further down. I hit every inch of my body hard against those cold, hard steps. I reached for the rail to stop myself but I couldn't grasp it, my weight was playing against me. I felt sharp pains in my torso that caused me to scream in pain before I reached the very bottom of the steps where I was met by Kyra and Cheyenne._

_ 'Don't touch me!' I screamed after Kyra placed her hand on my shoulder and I felt the pain shoot through me. 'Don't touch me!' It felt like she stabbed me. They were saying things to me but I didn't care enough to focus in on what they were saying. I sat up some, ignoring the pain; I need to see that my baby is safe. When I did, I screamed again. I was bleeding badly from my lower region. _

_ 'We need help!' Kyra screamed. I held my belly protectively through the pain as I pulled myself off the last few steps. My leg was in bad condition but I didn't care. All I cared about was my baby being safe. I lost what little strength I had in my arms and lay on the ground in a spinning mess. Scott appeared above me out of nowhere._

_ 'Are you alright? Oh my God, there's so much blood.' He said to himself. 'Get her out of here!' he yelled. He looked back at me as I started slipping between conscious and unconscious. 'Don't close your eyes Reba, stay awake with me.' He said as he rubbed me cheek. I flinched away from his touch. My left cheek throbbed._

_ 'The baby.' I managed to get out. 'What's going to happen to the baby?' he just looked at me._

_ 'The baby has to survive. There is no other way.' He said right before everything went black._

Back to the present I was leaning back with both arms wrapped around where my baby should be, in a totally tearful mess.

"Why am I here?" I mumbled to myself. I shouldn't have lived when my baby didn't.

"Because you're body is stronger than the average pregnant woman. You listened to your doctor when he told you what to do." The doctor said, completely missing the point. "You did take a tremendous beating though." I didn't even look at him. "You have a broken left leg. Your left side is what took the most beating. You didn't hurt anything vital, but you do have some internal bruising. You're lucky you didn't break your neck." I tried to ignore what he was saying. "After the fall you were hysterical. We sedated you and things didn't go smoothly, we had to have your arms pinned down to the bed at one point. You did some serious scratching to your arms, possibly scarring. We can't even tell the marks from the fall from the marks you caused yourself." All I could think of was the baby. "You fractured your left cheek bone in the fall." I felt it burn painfully as a stream of tears ran over it.

"Reba, say something." Scott said as he placed his hand on my arm. I pulled away from his touch. I didn't care that it hurt me to pull away like I did; I didn't want to feel his touch.

"There's nothing to say." I said into my pillow.

"Mrs. Hart, when you feel up to it, we scheduled you a councilor so you can talk about this."

"There's nothing to say." I said louder. He paused for a minute. I still refused to open my eyes.

"Mrs. Hart, you just endured a very traumatic event. It would be best if you did talk to someone." I didn't acknowledge him. "Would you be at all willing to talk to your fiancée about this instead?" I buried my face in the pillow.

"Will you please talk to me honey?" Scott asked as he reached for my hand. I pulled away from him again. I could see in his eyes how much that hurt him. I just looked away. I heard the doctor sigh.

"We'll give it a few days. You just got a lot of information you need to process." He said before walking towards the door. "We'll be back to check on you. If you need anything, press the button beside your bed." At that he left with the nurses right behind him. It was just me and Scott left in the room.

"Say something; anything." Scott quietly pleaded. By this point I nearly had my back to him.

"What do you want me to say?" I said as I lay limply against the bed. My face just kind of lay on the pillow without effort. I felt so hollow inside.

"Anything, just talk to me Reba. I've waited almost five days just to hear your voice; when you're not screaming my name in fear." A new wave of tears streamed down my nose, soaking into the pillow silently.

"I don't know what you want form me." I whispered quietly.

"Don't shut me out Reba. I can't handle loosing you again." I could tell by the pain in his voice he meant the past few days.

"I don't feel anything, what am I supposed to say Scott? Everything inside me is empty." He didn't say a word for a long time. I just sat there silently letting tears flow down and drip off my nose. I sat and cried for a few hours like that. Just silence.

"The kids want to see you." He said in a blank voice suddenly. "Can they come up?" I sat in silence for a minute before whipping my face and nodding a little. He left the room momentarily and I sat there thinking about the events that happened just days before. It felt like yesterday to me, but I was drugged for the entire week, how would I remember anything? Except those horrible dreams…

"Mom," Kyra said as she nearly ran into the room. She came over and carefully put her arms around me. The contact hurt, hell, everything hurts. "You're really awake." She said in relief, not letting up on me at all.

"Yeah, I guess I am." Was all I could manage to get out. She pulled back to look at me and she was crying. "Why're you crying?" I asked as I wiped the tears away. She just looked at me sadly.

"I'm sorry mom." She said quietly. I knew very well what she was saying sorry too. I pulled back from all contact with my daughter without a word.

"You feeling okay mom?" Cheyenne asked from my other side quietly. I just looked at her stupidly.

"How about you lose your baby, then I'll ask you how you feel?" I snapped. Scott put his hand on my arm.

"Reba, enough. Cheyenne didn't do anything wrong." He said in an almost stern voice. I pulled my arm away from him.

"Don't enough me." I snapped. I did feel guilt fill me though. I looked at a tearful Cheyenne. "I'm sorry Cheyenne." I said quietly. She took my hand.

"I know you didn't mean it mom, its okay." I wanted to pull my hand away more than anything, but I felt like I should let her hold it for a while.

"How bad is the food?" Van asked in his goofy way. I tried to smile.

"Wish I knew. They won't let me eat." He kind of just smiled.

X xx xxx xx x xx xxx xx x

After the kids left I was exhausted. I lay there trying to stay awake, afraid of what would happen if I closed my eyes.

"You're tired." Scott said as he pushed the hair off my face. I shook my head a little.

"No, I'm fine." He just smiled a little bit.

"Go to sleep honey, I'll be right here." He said as he rubbed the side of my face extra softly. I shook my head a little bit again.

"I can't." I said fighting it.

"Why not?" he was so soft and loving with me.

"I can't take any more dreams."

"They shouldn't come back honey." He said softly. "And I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere." I felt my eyes glaze a little bit.

"Promise?"

"I'll do better than that; I swear."

"Will you hold me?" I asked oddly. He smiled a little.

"Of course I will." I scooted over and he climbed in the bed with me. I rested my head on his chest as he carefully wrapped his arms around me.

"Thank you." I whispered. He kissed my forehead.

"I love you." He said softly against my hair. I slipped into a sound sleep as he rubbed my hair comfortingly.

X xx xxx xx x xx xxx xx x

I opened my eyes to find myself still in Scott's arms. He was asleep but holding me protectively still. I didn't want to move but at the same time I just wanted away from any touch. Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone adjusting themselves in a chair. I turned my head to see Lori Anne beside the bed. She sat up when she saw I was awake.

"Glad to see you're awake." She said attempting a smile. I slowly turned over, trying to avoid the pain, and faced her. Scott still had his arms around me. He leaned into me and held me to him. I rolled my eyes.

"I guess it's a good thing; or so they keep telling me." I said flatly. She shook her head at me with a little smile.

"It's a good thing." She said simply. I didn't say anything. I didn't feel like talking to anyone, even her. "You holding up?" she asked as she looked at me. I just looked at her for a long time.

"How did you handle it?" is all I asked. She let out a big sigh.

"I drank a lot." She got really quiet for a minute. "I just drank and let everything go. I couldn't bring myself to get close to anyone again. That's why I am the way I am now." She said quietly. I just looked at her.

"I tried to help you. I didn't know how." I said quietly. She just nodded.

"I know how to help you, you'll be alright honey. I won't let you become me." She said as she patted my hand. I just looked at the wall. "Stop it."

"Stop what?" I asked as I looked at her.

"You don't think I can't see all the 'why's' going through your head?" she asked with an edge to her voice. I didn't say a word as I looked away. "You'll kill yourself if you keep that up."

"What am I supposed to do? Accept the loss of my child and continue on with my life like nothing's wrong?" I snapped. Her face went hard with anger.

"I never said that, but if you burry yourself in grief, it'll be damn near impossible to find your way back to any kind of a life again." She snapped right back. I felt my tears overwhelm me as Scott sat up.

"What's going on?" he asked in a tired voice. Lori Anne just took a sip of her coffee and I sat up slowly, my every intention the bathroom. It hurt more than anything doing this on my own. Scott was quick to be in front of me, nearly picking me up.

"I can do it on my own." I said stubbornly. He ignored me.

"Honey, you can't even sit up on your own." I scoffed as I was carried to the bathroom like a helpless animal.

X xx xxx xx x xx xxx xx x

A few days later…

"When can I go home?" I asked the doctor for the millionth time this week.

"I've told you once already today; as soon as you're physically able to handle not being here, and we make sure you're stable mentally." I glared at him through narrowed eyes.

"I just lost a child, I will never be stable emotionally." He sighed.

"I meant in a healthier place, like if you'd talk to your councilor maybe we could set a goal but as of right now, you are very unable to go home."I let out an angry sigh as he left the room.

"Knock, knock." Someone said from the doorway. I looked up and my anger went away.

"Mr. Senator." I said surprised. He stepped into the room.

"Do you have a minute to talk?" I nodded. "I came to talk to you about the young girl Hailey."

"Is she alright?" were the first words out of my mouth. He nodded.

"She keeps asking about you. She saw you on the news." My eyes filled with tears.

"Will I ever be allowed to see her again?"

"It'll take a lot of work, but I'm still trying to get her into your custody."

"Is it still possible?"

"Mrs. Hart, anything's possible."


	2. Chapter 2

"You have a visitor." A nurse said as she came into the room. I didn't react, I just laid there.

"Can I come in?" I looked over to see Jake standing in the doorway. I nodded a little. He walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. "You feeling okay?"

"Depends on what you mean." I said flatly.

"Physically?"

"I hurt but it's getting a little better."

"Mentally?"

"I've been way better Jakey." I said honestly. He took my hand in his.

"I know." He said quietly. "Can I ask you something?" I nodded. He just looked down at my hand for a long time before looking back at me. "Why didn't you tell us?" I just looked into his eyes for a long time before letting out a heavy sigh.

"I don't know, things were complicated and I was scared."

"But it's us mom. You shouldn't be scared to talk to us." I looked away from him.

"Jake, you're too young to understand."

"So explain it to me." He said as he pulled my hand in his direction. I looked up at him and felt ready to fall apart.

"I'm your mother Jake; I'm supposed to have everything all figured out. I'm not supposed to make big mistakes and screw up." I said angrily as tears burned down my face. "I'm supposed to be the strong one; I'm not supposed to be weak like this." He squeezed my hand angrily.

"You're human mom, that's what you are, human. You're not weak; you're the strongest person I've ever known. I'd still be proud of you even if you did everything wrong along the way. You loved us and tried to raise us the best way you could, _that _is the reason we love and respect you the way we do; not because you're perfect." I couldn't bring myself to look at him as I cried.

"Why does it matter now Jake? What's done is done, I can't take anything back."

"Because we love you." He said quietly. I didn't respond. "I heard what you said to Cheyenne and Kyra." I felt like crying harder. "They know you're hurting mom. Why won't you let them in? They can help." I just looked at the wall towards the foot of the bed.

"No one can help me." I said quietly.

"We could still try." I shook my head.

"I just want to be by myself with this one." He didn't say a word. A few minutes later he stood up.

"I have to go to work. I'll be back later okay?" I nodded. He was careful as he hugged me and kissed my good cheek. "Be good okay?" I tried to smile.

"Only if you are." He smiled as he left the room. A second later there was a soft knock. I looked up to see Brock standing there.

"You're looking better." He said from the doorway. I just looked at him. I don't feel like talking much lately. "Care if I sit down?" I shook my head no as he walked over and sat where Jake was.

"Why'd Jake come home?" I asked as I looked at the door.

"He wanted to come back the day of the shooting but he couldn't get away from class. I went and picked him up a few days ago." He let out a sigh. "You should've heard him all the way here, he wouldn't shut up till he could see for himself you were alright." I smiled a little bit.

"He's a good kid." He nodded.

"He's crazy about you Reba, definitely a mama's boy." He said with a little smile. My smile grew a fraction.

"As it should be." He was quiet for a while. I didn't feel like breaking the silence, silence is what I enjoy most lately anyways.

"I've heard you've been keeping some things to yourself lately." I shot daggers at him.

"None of your business what I keep to myself." I snapped. I didn't like everybody knowing about my lost child. I can't lash out at my kids for it, but Brock can handle it.

"When I know what it's going to end up doing to you it kind of is my business." He said smoothly.

"You're not my husband Brock." I said in a nasty voice.

"No, but I am your friend." He said defensively. "You won't talk to Scott, so I figured I'd try talking to you." I rolled my eyes.

"So you thought you'd try to play hero?" I said in a cold voice.

"If it means saving your life, then yeah." He said a little iritated.

"Get out of my room." I spat. He didn't budge. "Get. Out." I said through clenched teeth.

"I'm not going anywhere till you talk to me."

"Where was that attitude ten years ago when I actually _wanted_ you around."

"People change. I'm here now." I rolled my eyes.

"You will never change and you're only here to earn brownie points." He half smiled.

"You're wrong." I didn't say a word as I lay on my back and looked out the window. "How far along were you?" he asked quietly.

"Four months." I said unmovingly.

"Do you know if it was a boy or girl?" I didn't say anything for a while.

"It's written down somewhere. I never got to see it; it was going to be a surprise."

"Was it healthy?"

"It was so healthy it was growing faster than normal." I closed my eyes. "Untill the stairs."

"Were you happy?" he asked quietly, avoiding the comment about the stairs.

"It was one of the happiest times in my life. I was honestly very happy." I whispered.

"What're you going to do now?" I didn't say a word; I didn't know how to respond to that. I don't know about anything anymore. "I've only ever seen you like this once before." He said breaking the silence. "It was when your childhood dog died. Three years into our marriage." I didn't move. "I didn't know what to do, you kept shutting me out and pretending everything was just fine." He stopped for a minute. "That's when I learned the most about you, was when you shut me out like that. I had to learn the real you, not the you, you wanted me to know. I had to learn you all over again." I didn't say a word. "I think this will be good for you and Scott." he said cautiously. I still didn't move. "Just don't push him away like I know you're getting ready to do. You need him right now and we all know it." I closed my eyes.

"Why do you see me so predictable?" I heard him laugh.

"Because for 30 years of my life I lived just trying to figure you out."

"You didn't do a good job." I lied.

"You're still not a good liar." I didn't say a word. I just felt so low. I just wanted to be by myself to morn my baby.

"Mrs. Hart, time for your medication." A nurse said as she walked into the room. I didn't move as she came over to the IV and stuck a needle in the tube. After a minute I felt a rush of relaxation flow over me. "Feel any better?" I nodded. "Good, if you need anything, push the button and I'll be right back okay?" I nodded again. She was a sweetheart.

"She's nice." Brock said to break the silence.

"She loves her job. She told me she hates what she sees when it comes in here but loves the feeling of nursing life back into someone." I said not looking at him. My gaze was lost out the window.

"That'll take a toll on her eventually."

"Why are you even still here?" I asked as I looked over at him, suddenly angry. He looked completely caught off guard.

"We were talking."

"No, _you _were talking, I was forced to listen." I snapped. "Get the hell out of here." I said in disgust.

"Reba, what just happened?" he asked in confusion.

"You done pissed me off, now get." I said flinging my hand in the direction of the door like he was a dog or something.

"Is everything alright in here?" the same nurse said as she stepped into the room.

"No, please make him leave." I said pointing at Brock.

"Sir-"

"Yeah, I'm going." He said standing up. He walked towards the door. "I'll talk to you later." He said looking back at me. I just rolled my eyes. When they left the room I could still hear them talking in hushed voices.

"Don't take it offensive, it's the medication that does this to her on top of all the emotional things she's going through." The nurse said.

"She just liked snapped, she was fine then wasn't."

"Her body hasn't adjusted to the medication yet. She's never been a medicated person, very healthy her whole life. Since she's been in here, she's had more medication than her entire medical history. Her body doesn't know what to do with itself, causing severe mood swings and a few other side effects."

"So stop giving her so much."

"It's required. We should be giving her more, but she wouldn't be able to handle it if we did."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Mr. Fisher." She said a tad bit louder. "She's wide awake right in there, be cautious though, I just gave her a heavy dosage."

"I don't need to be cautious, she's not a wild animal in a zoo, she's my fiancée." He said in an angry stern voice right before he entered the room. "How you feeling? Did the migraine go away?" he asked as he set a few bags on the little table to my right. I shrugged.

"If it's not one thing it's another." He came over and sat on the edge of the bed.

"What is it right now?" I let a sigh out.

"I don't know, a little bit of everything."

"Bad day again?" he asked as he pushed my hair out of my eyes.

"Are there any good ones anymore?" he patted my hand softly.

"They'll get better soon." I just looked at him. He stood up and went over to the little table and reached in one of the bags. "I brought you something." He said looking back at me.

"What is it?" he smiled as he walked over to me with it behind his back.

"You know how your shoulders and neck were killing you because of this bed?" I nodded a little. He pulled a little vibrating back massager from behind his back. I cracked a little smile. "Figured we could fix that." He said smiling at me. I rolled my eyes as a little bit bigger smile spread across my face.

"Kiss up." He laughed.

"Don't worry, I got you babe." He said like Sunny with a wink. He knew Sunny and Cher were some of my favorites from back in the day. I started laughing.

"Why're you so goofy?" he shrugged.

"Cause goofy is fun." He said as he sat on the edge of the bed. I just rolled my eyes. "So do you want to do this now or later? How bad is it right now?" I shrugged.

"Everything always hurts." He cupped my face in his hand.

"Let's try it a little bit now, then we can a little bit later too." I nodded as he helped me to sit up and turn some. He was right behind me to help steady me when I got a little light headed.

"I'm alright." I said putting my hand up.

"Tell me when you need to lay back down okay?" I nodded. "Can I untie the top tight? The knot is right in the way." I nodded again. I felt a shiver run through me as his fingers brushed the back of my neck softly. I wanted to flinch away from his touch, he hasn't touched me since I lost the baby; his touch feels so odd to me now.

"How long will this take?" I asked quietly. Suddenly I didn't want to be touched at all.

"Not long, why? What's wrong honey?" he asked as he leaned around me to look at me.

"Nothing."

"Do you still want to try this?" I didn't respond for a minute before nodding my head. "Just tell me if you change your mind okay?" I nodded again. He turned it on and guided my head to lean forward before gently pressing the little massager to my lower neck. Automatically I closed my eyes and felt myself relax as he moved it slow and softly. I inhaled slowly and exhaled with a little bit of a moan.

"Down just a little bit, between the shoulders." He lowered the massager to hit the spot.

"That feel okay?" I let out a little moan again making him laugh. "Well I'm glad I thought of this then." I cracked a smile.

"Me too." I could feel his hand on my bare back and it unnerved me. He put it there with no intention; I could tell it was there without thought.

After a good 45 minutes he made me lie back down and relax. I was reluctant but as soon as my head hit the pillow I was almost asleep. Scott lay down beside me. He must've thought I was asleep when he started running his fingers down my face softly.

"I love you so much Reba." He whispered. I didn't react, I played asleep. "I know what you're feeling, I know you'd never believe that and I know it's just not the same for me as it is for you, but I feel it too. I know things won't ever be the same again, but I love you. I want to make things work still. I can feel you pulling away from me at every turn." He got quiet as he stroked my cheek. "You letting my massage your neck and shoulders today made my whole week. I was afraid you'd never let me near you again." He was really quiet for a long time. "This scares me so much Reba. I don't want to lose you. I love you so much." He leaned over and softly kissed my cheek. I could feel him looking at me before softly and quickly giving me a peck on the lips. I nearly jerked away in shock and horror but managed not to move. "I love you." He whispered before lying down beside me again.

I opened my eyes and just looked at the wall. Suddenly not as tired as I thought I was. I just laid there and thought for a good long hour.

"You're still awake Mrs. Hart?" a nurse said walking into the room. I nodded as I looked at Scott who was sound asleep. "Can I give you your medicine now or do you want me to wait?"

"Now please. I'm ready to get some sleep." She smiled before putting my medicine in the IV and after a minute, I felt the relaxing rush of the meds in my system. I closed my eyes and felt myself drifting already.


	3. Chapter 3

"What floor did the doctor say we needed to go too?" Scott asked as he pushed me into the elevator.

"Lobby." I lied.

"Very funny Reba." He said as he rolled his eyes. After a second we ended up on the first floor to ask where we needed to be. Scott turned his head as he talked to the secretary and I started rolling myself for the door. My arms were killing me as I rolled myself as fast as I could. I could feel some of my scars bust open under the wraps on my arms uncomfortably. As soon as the sliding doors were in view I smiled. They slid open and I went through the first set only to find the second set wouldn't open. I ran into the doors with a hard thud before tipping over and hitting the ground. Everything started to spin as I tried to sit up, failing.

"Reba!" Scott yelled in horror as he fell by my side, helping me to sit up. "What the hell were you thinking?" I rolled my eyes as he left me sitting on the ground to fix the wheelchair. I just clenched my jaw. "You could've killed yourself. And where would you have gone?" he asked shaking his head before picking me up to put me back in the chair.

"I was thinking I want to get the hell out of here." I said annoyed. He knelt down by the side. I refused to look at him as I tried to cross my arms. He stopped me and pulled one of my arms towards him gently.

"You're bleeding through your bandages." He said as he softly examined my wrapped up arm. "Did you hurt anything?" he asked as his eyes moved back up to meet mine. I just looked at him. He raised an eyebrow. "You know what the doctor said, if you start telling us what does and doesn't hurt, we can get you out of here sooner. The more you fight it, the longer you'll be here." I clenched my teeth in frustration.

"I landed on my left shoulder. My cast twisted some and hurts pretty good right now. And I think one of my stitches is opened." I said gesturing towards my stomach. He let out a sigh.

"Thank you for being honest with me." He stood up. "And please try to be good, I want to take you home, not here." He said sadly. I nodded.

"I want to go home."

He wheeled me back to my room, telling the doctor what happened and I got to skip counseling. The doctor decided to take his sweet time coming to check on my newest round of scars which angered Scott. He had me lie on my side and lift the gown to look at my stitches. They hurt really badly the longer they sat.

"You definitely opened this one up pretty good." He said touching beside one of the big stitches. I flinched at the touch. Everything was starting to swell and throb. "Did that hurt?" I nodded.

"Felt like you just stabbed me." I said blinking hard to keep the tears in my eyes, I wasn't crying, they were just watering. "Can I see them?" I said referring to the stitches; they haven't let me look at them since I woke up.

"I don't think you should." He said softly. I just looked down at him.

"Please? I have a right to see the damage." I said quietly. He sighed as he looked at me sadly. He helped me to lie on my back without a word and slowly lifted the gown enough for me to see. When I looked down I was mortified to see my mangled, destroyed body. I gasped a little as I looked at my scars. One was trickling a little bit of blood, only adding to the gruesomeness of the situation.

"See why I've been so worried about you now?" he said quietly. I felt my eyes well up with tears again as I fought the urge to cry.

"Why are there so many?" I turned my head away, unable to handle the sight of myself anymore. He softly lowered my gown to cover the damage.

"They had a lot of work to do when they did the surgery. They weren't sure they could even leave your parts in. They managed to save it though. I didn't really understand the process but all I know is they said after some time, you'd be able to do and live anyway you so choose."

"What does that even mean?" he let out a big sigh before responding.

"He said you'd be able to get pregnant again, there was a lot of damage and scar tissue but he said if you so chose, you could." I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Why would I ever do that again? Lord knows you'd just kill it again." I spat coldly. I could see how bad that hurt him in his face, but his eyes showed the most damage. His eyes filled with tears as he stood up and walked out of the room.

X xx xxx xx x xx xxx xx x xx xxx xx x

Scott

"She didn't mean it Scott, she's just hurt." Jackson said trying to comfort me. I had my head in my hands as I tried to keep myself together.

"Doesn't matter if she means it because it's true." I said feeling the truth weigh even heavier on me.

"It is not, you didn't know, you didn't do it." he said sternly. "You loved that baby, you didn't kill him, those bastards did." I stood up angrily and ran a hand through my tangled hair.

"I am the reason all of this happened, just because I wasn't the one who shoved her down the stairs doesn't mean I'm not at fault." I snapped angrily. I was ready to break down again. Jackson grabbed me by the shoulders really hard.

"Scott, listen to me." He barked. "You are not at fault here, this could've happened to anyone. But you didn't cause this."

"How am I supposed to believe that?" I said as I started to cry.

"Because it's the truth." He said sternly.

"If it weren't for me, Reba would still be carrying that little baby."

"If it weren't for you she never would've had that baby."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?" I snapped angrily as I threw my arms in the air. He let out a sigh as he crossed his arms.

"Scott, if it weren't for you, she never would've gotten to keep Hailey, she never would've fallen in love, she never would've learned anything about herself like she has, and she never would've realized what she deserves out of life." I just listened with my back towards him. "You two changed each other's lives, you both need each other and damn well belong together. This happened for a reason, you know that as well as she does."

"What kind of a reason is there? She lost Hailey because of me, she hates me, and she just lost our_ child_ because of me." I felt everything I've held together for so long just fall apart.

"You're being too hard on yourself." I heard Cheyenne say out of nowhere. I looked up and wiped my face only to see her standing with her arms crossed.

"I don't think I'm being hard enough on myself." She shook her head sadly but didn't move.

"You didn't do this. Just because it involved you, doesn't mean the result is your fault. You tried to save her; we all saw how hard you tried to keep her safe." I closed my eyes and put my head back in my hands.

"She blames me. She has every right too." She came forward and shoved my shoulder so I would look at her.

"Stop it." she snapped. "My mother needs you. Don't do this to her again." Cheyenne was on the verge of tears but holding firm to her anger, just like her mother. "All she knows is you up and leaving, she's just waiting for it to happen again. Prove her wrong, show her how different things can be." She was practically screaming in my face. "Do you even hear me?"

"Yeah I do." I just looked at her for a long time it felt like. "I'll keep trying."

"Good."

X xx xxx xx x xx xxx xx x

"Mrs. Hart, what's going through your head right now?" my doctor ordered therapist asked. I rolled my eyes.

"How I wish I wasn't here." The corner of his mouth turned up.

"Why is that?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Because I want to go home and not have to deal with any of you again. I'm sick of being woken up in the middle of the night just to have a new set of drugs jabbed into my arm. This place sucks." Scott reached over and held onto my hand. I felt a little more grounded at the gesture.

"Be nice." He said as he leaned towards me. I rolled my eyes.

"Now Scott, I value her exact thoughts, I want to know exactly what she thinks." He said looking back at me.

"Don't you dare baby me like a child; I'm old enough to be your mother. Don't act superior to me." I snapped in disgust. He put his hands up in surrender.

"I wasn't acting superior, I was simply stating-"

"That you have power over me." I finished for him.

"Depends on how you choose to look at it." he said with a little smile.

"Well, I'm your prisoner for the next 57 minutes aren't I?" he laughed.

"I guess you could say that."

"And that's where your superior attitude comes into play." I said as I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow.

"She's a pistol isn't she?" he said to Scott with a raised eyebrow.

"Never gets boring." Scott said with a little smile. I just rolled my eyes again.

"So where are the two of you comfortable starting?" Scott looked over at me.

"I don't know."

"What, you think I do?" I snapped suddenly angry.

"Let's talk it out then, no need to let your temper get the best of you." The doctor said calmly. "How do you feel right now Mrs. Hart?" I clenched my jaw.

"Stop calling me that, I'm not Mrs. Hart anymore." I nearly barked.

"What would you like to be called then?" I just looked at him. "Miss Fisher?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I'm not married." I said through my teeth.

"But you're going to be aren't you?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Do you not want to marry Scott now?" I didn't say a word.

"Do you Reba?" Scott asked in an on edge voice.

"I don't know." I whispered. "I just can't think about that right now."

"Why is that?" the doctor pushed. I just looked down at my hands after I pulled my hand away from Scott's.

"Because I just can't."

"Just give me one reason and I'll drop the topic." He pressed. I didn't say anything for a while.

"I shouldn't be happy again." I said barely audible.

"What does that mean?" he said softly.

"I don't deserve to be happy again."

"You know that's not true." I felt a tear run down my face.

"Yes it is."

"Why?"

"Because I killed a child, I don't deserve to be here and happy."

"I think this is a start."

X xx xxx xx x xx xxx xx x

"She said that?" Lori Anne said in a hushed voice.

"Yeah, you should've seen the look on her face…" Scott said painfully. I just laid there with my eyes closed pretending to be asleep.

"I know what face you're talking about Scott, I completely understand."

"How can she blame herself? She didn't do a thing wrong."

"It doesn't matter, she was the one carrying the baby and she lost it, she will always feel it was her fault regardless of how it happened."

"But it wasn't her fault."

"Just like it wasn't yours." Nothing was said for a while.

"Do you mean that?"

"Of course I do, I wouldn't have said it otherwise." She said irritated.

"I just don't want to believe that. I can't."

"Well don't expect her to believe it until you can. Because no matter what you're feeling, it's ten times worse for her." I heard her get up and leave the room. Scott took my hand softly.

"I don't know what to do Reba." He whispered. "I can't stop blaming myself. I feel like I should." He kissed the back of my hand as I fought tears and tried to stay 'asleep'. "Please help me through this, we can help each other through this, but if you don't open up to me I can't help you." I could hear tears in his voice. "Please Reba, just please."


	4. Chapter 4

After three and a half weeks I was allowed to go home on a few conditions. Condition one, I have to continue my therapy, I am not to miss a single appointment. Condition two; I have to come in for checkups once a week. I agreed as long as I could get out of there.

"Why're you smiling so big?" Lori Anne asked raising an eyebrow as I sat in my wheelchair. They had the wheels locked so I couldn't make an escape again.

"I get to go home to _my own _bed." I said plainly, making her laugh.

"You mean you and Scott's bed right?" she corrected me. My smile fell some.

"I guess so."

"Aren't you excited you get to sleep _beside _Scott in a bed now instead of just his head resting on your bed?" I shrugged.

"I don't like him touching me. At night he likes to hold onto me in some form. I don't like it." she rolled her eyes.

"Didn't you tell me a while ago that you loved that? That it made you feel safe?" I just glared at her. I did say that before but things have changed now. "Why has your opinion changed?" I could tell by the look in her eyes that she already knew and fully understood.

"He was the father of my lost child." I looked down at my hands. "Every time he touches me all I can think about is that baby." She reached over and held my hand.

"You're going to have to get past that honey, I couldn't bring myself to and look where I am now?" my eyes filled with tears I refused to let fall.

"It was a child, not a lost ballgame. I can't just 'get past it' like that."

"You don't think I understand that?" she said with tears hinting in her voice. I looked up at her to see the hurt and anger in her face. "I lost two children Reba. The first one I pretended never happened; when Cory and I lost the second baby I didn't know what to do with myself. If you don't remember, I went through so much grief from both babies that I had to spend a few weeks in the suicide watch at the hospital. I was in counseling for six years after that. Don't you dare act like I don't know what you're going through." She said in a hard voice.

"I do remember Lori Anne but how am I supposed to change this?"

"Therapy helps. Listen to what they tell you okay?" she said in a softer, very understanding voice. "If you keep going the way you're going, you're going to end up just like me. I don't want that for you honey, it's a cold lonely life to live." I closed my eyes.

"I don't want that either. I want things to be normal again. I want to marry Scott and have our baby, I want to spend the rest of my life happy raising our family but I can't. I never can now because I lost my baby." I said angrily as I fought off tears. I failed as the tears took over.

"You don't think I understand that?" Lori Anne snapped as she grabbed onto my wrist. I tried pulling out of her grasp but she held me firm. "You don't think I feel exactly the same as you do right this very minute? That seeing you go through this, my bestfriend, brings back those feelings for me?" She was near tears as she yelled this at me. "I know Reba, I do. Stop treating it like you're alone cause you sure as hell aren't!"

"What the hell are you doing?" Scott snapped as he pushed Lori Anne away from me.

"Trying to knock some sense into her, that's what." She said as she pulled away.

"What did you say to her?" he asked as he held me to his chest as I cried. "She hasn't cried like this in a long while now. I leave you alone with her for then minutes!" he was mad, I could feel it in his heartbeats.

"She's avoiding the truth!" she nearly screamed in anger. "She needs to fix the true problem if she ever wants to have a normal life again."

"She's going to get there, just give her some time alright? And what would you even know about any of this?" I could see the hurt look in her eyes after her said that.

"Leave her alone." I said stern as I could. He pulled back to look at me.

"I thought she upset you."

"It doesn't matter if she did or not, just leave her alone." I said wiping my face.

"Alright Miss Reba, time to check you out." A nurse said as she walked into the room, completely oblivious to the tension between all of us.

"Good." I said as I tried to wheel myself over to her but didn't budge. "I can do it." I said when Scott unlocked the wheels and started to push me.

"No chance Miss Nascar." He said with a laugh as I rolled my eyes. I wiped my face again as he pushed me out of the room.

"Let's go Mrs. H." Van said with a big smile as Scott pushed me into the lobby. I had to smile back.

"Get me out of here." I said with a smile.

"Van, if you want to go back to the room and get her bags, I'll take Reba out." Scott said as he started pushing me. Van stepped in front of us.

"Can I take Mrs. H out and you get the bag? I haven't seen her in a long time." He said blushing some. I cracked a smile.

"Let him wheel me, I wanted to talk to him anyways." I said as I looked up at Scott. He just looked down at me with a suspicious stare.

"You're planning on running aren't you?" I rolled my eyes.

"I won't let her run Scott, I promise." Scott sighed but headed for the elevators.

"If she takes off it's on your head." Scott said pointing at Van with a smile.

"I believe that, but she's in good hands." At that he unlocked me and started towards the parking lot with me.

"How come Cheyenne didn't come?" I asked Van to break the ice.

"She's been kind of busy with her preg-" he stopped dead, mid word.

"You don't have to shelter me Van." I said evenly. He still didn't say a word. "I don't want you guys to pretend things are just dandy, that I'm some little girl that needs to be protected."

"I'm just worried about you Mrs. H. We all are." I closed my eyes.

"I'm getting better Van, just don't make me a fake reality." We stopped at the car.

"I'll make you a deal then." he said as he crouched by my side. "As long as you're honest with me, I'll be honest with you. On everything." The corner of my mouth turned up.

"Sounds good to me." He smiled.

"So now I'm going to ask you something." I raised an eyebrow. "Are things really getting better?" I just looked at him for a long time it felt like.

"I'm trying. Some days it is, others I feel like I'm backtracking." He just studied me.

"How can I help you?" the corner of my mouth turned up slightly.

"You can't. I have to do this on my own."

"That's a lie. It's me Mrs. H, I have to help you."I reached over and took his hand.

"I love you for wanting to help me Van, but some things I don't even understand enough to help myself. Just having you here for me is enough. I never could've imagined having such a good son-in-law in a million years but you are. That's enough for me." He smiled a little.

"I'm here for you, you're like my mom. The way you shut me out when Scott had left hurt. I don't like seeing you like that Mrs. H; I want to help you, even if you think I can't." he squeezed my hand.

"I promise, I'll be open with you this time around." He smiled.

"Good, cause I missed you." He said standing up to hug me.

"What, no fighting?" I heard Scott say from behind Van. We both looked to see him only half joking.

"Nope, just an understanding." I said as Van got my seat ready for me.

"Well good. I have a good feeling things are going to turn around for us." I smiled.

"I hope so."

X xx xxx xx x xx xxx xx x xx xxx xx x

The car ride home was quiet. I sat in the passenger seat while Scott drove, Van drove separate. After a few minutes Scott reached over and took my hand off my lap and held it between us. I just kind of looked at our hands, our fingers entwined automatically like always. I looked up from our hands to Scott to see him smiling to himself. I could tell just how much bringing me home meant to him.

"I've missed this." He said looking over at me. My eyes fell back to our hands when he caught me staring at him. He laughed a little.

"It's been a while." I said quietly.

"Too long." He said giving my hand a soft squeeze. I looked down at my hand and saw my engagement ring shining in the sunlight. "You never took it off the entire time you were there." He said glancing between the road and my hand. "Even when you weren't in the right state of mind you held onto it." He got quiet. I just sat there quietly studying him. "That means the world to me." He looked over at me and I could see the honestly in his eyes.

"I don't remember any of that." I said quietly.

"You did. You would go into a panic attack if I let go of your hand too. The doctors wanted me by your side the whole time because just by me being there, you calmed down." I cracked a little smile.

"You were always the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes."

"I would sit there and wait for you to open your eyes. I loved watching that."

X xx xxx xx x xx xxx xx x

"Mom's home!" I heard Jake yell from behind the front door, I started to laugh.

"Can I walk in?" I asked Scott. He just gave me a look. "At least let me walk through the door then put me right back in this stupid chair." He laughed.

"Alright, but just through the door." He warned. A big smile spread across my face as he helped me to stand. It wasn't exactly standing, but him holding me up and me pretending to walk. Van opened the door for Scott and pushed the chair through. I could see Cheyenne, Kyra, Adam, and Jake all standing near the door.

Slowly but surely, I made my way into the house. As soon as I was through the door Scott set me in the chair as all the kids applauded me. I couldn't stop smiling.

"I'm so glad to see you here mom." Kyra said as she hugged me around the neck.

"I'm so glad to be home kiddo." When she pulled away I could tell there was something going on. I gave her a curious smile but before I could answer, I saw someone stand up in the living room. When I turned my head to look, I was in pure shock.

"Hi Reba." An all too familiar woman said nervously. My jaw was dropped and I just couldn't bring myself to close it.

"You okay Mrs. H?" Van asked at my side.

"What the hell is _she_ doing here?" I said in shock.

"I heard what happened." She said not looking me in the eyes. I felt my shock start to be replaced by anger.

"So that gives you the right to welcome yourself back here?" I snapped.

"I felt like I needed to come see you myself." She defended.

"You never called." I stated. "I tried keeping in touch with you Barbra Jean, but you threw us all away like we meant nothing." I barked in angry hurt. She looked ready to cry.

"I couldn't face you guys." She said looking down. "I was scared and so alone."

"You had all of us. You chose to be alone." I said firmly.

"Calm down mom, we've all been through a lot." Cheyenne said quietly.

"She has no right to let herself back in my home like this." I said looking form Cheyenne back to Barbra Jean.

"Then I'll go." She said as she picked up her purse. I didn't say a word as she walked to the door. She stopped when she was beside me. "I'm sorry to hear about the baby." She said quietly before she left. I felt like everything around me came crashing down again.

"Reba." Scott said quietly as he took my hand. I pulled away again trying not to cry.

"I'm home, but I don't have my baby." I said quietly with tears in my voice.

"Sorry I'm late, traffic was pretty bad." Brock said as he rushed through the door. Everybody just looked at him. "What's going on?" he asked confused.

"Your ex wife, that's what." Scott snapped. Brock looked completely confused.

"What about her." Scott pointed at me.

"Not her, your _other _ex wife." He said through his teeth. Brock's eyes went wide.

"Barbra Jean? When did she come back to Houston? Why was she here?"

"Hell if we know, maybe you should find out." Van stood in front of Scott now.

"Calm down Scott, Mr. H didn't do anything wrong." Scott was so angry when he looked at Van.

"She had no right."

"I know, but we didn't know. We'll fix it now." Van said just as angry.

"You okay mom?" Cheyenne asked as she touched my shoulder. I looked up at her.

"I need the phone."

"Who're you going to call?" Kyra asked as she handed me the phone.

"I need to talk to my therapist." I saw Van smile proudly at me out of the corner of my eye.

X xx xxx xx x xx xxx xx x

I opened my eyes to see Scott watching me. I adjusted myself slightly and looked at him.

"Why're you looking at me like that?" he smiled.

"You're so peaceful when you sleep. I haven't seen you sleep like this in a long time." I cracked a smile as I curled under the blankets.

"I haven't been in my bed for a long time." He laughed a little as he pushed my bangs out of my face. I closed my eyes and let myself enjoy the touch of his fingers. He cupped my face in his hand. He leaned in and kissed my forehead lovingly. I opened my eyes to look at him.

"Too much?" I could tell by his face just how much he misses touching me like this. Just little loving ways.

"No." I tried to sit up and he helped me. When I was in more of a sitting position, I took his hand.

"I've missed you so much Reba." I looked down at our hands.

"Dr. Bradley said I shouldn't push you away. He said I should try to act like your fiancée again." I watched his thumb rub the back of my hand gently.

"You don't have to act like anything you don't want to Reba. If you're not comfortable with us yet, then we can take our time. Start over again." I looked up at him with tears in my eyes.

"I'm scared."

"I know you are. But you don't have to be." He said rubbing my cheek softly.

"It's hard." He pulled me to him and I rested my head on his chest and just felt myself relax a touch.


	5. Chapter 5

"There's nothing new?" Reba said into the phone in a distressed voice as she ran a hand through her hair. I sat across the coffee table from her trying to think up a way to make her feel better.

"But how can that be? We went to court a long while ago and no one will tell me what's going on." She was getting beyond frustrated, I could see it in her face but she didn't show it in her voice. I love that about her. Very good composure I could never dream of having.

"I just want my daughter back, is that such a horrible crime?" she snapped. "Then let me talk to someone who does know what's going on!" I could tell by the way she was fidgeting she wanted to be pacing.

"Hello? Hello?" she pulled the phone from her ear with a dropped jaw before throwing the phone across the room.

"What just happened?" I asked after I watched the phone break against the banister.

"They hung up on me! I guess I was right; NONE of them know what the hell they're doing!" her face was turning redder by the minute.

"Calm down honey, the senator said he was going to take care of it." she shot daggers at me that made me flinch.

"He hasn't done a damn thing! I'm tired of waiting for my daughter, I want her home NOW!" I let out a sigh. There was no fighting this woman on this. She knew exactly what she wanted done and anything less just wasn't going to cut it.

"Give it some time, thing will-"

"I've given it months! _Months!"_ she yelled. I went over and grabbed her hand at my own risk.

"Reba honey-"

"Don't you Reba honey me." She snapped as she pulled her hand away. I half expected her to hit me with it. "I want my daughter back Scott." her eyes were a little glazed with tears she refused to let fall. She knew I saw them. I pulled her into the best hug I could do with her sitting in the chair and me half standing. She rested her head on my shoulder and cried a little bit.

"It's going to be okay." I soothed.

"It's not fair." She sniffled a little bit. "I want my baby home with me." I hid my face in her hair and closed my eyes, wishing this whole problem away.

"I know it's not. But she will be home. I can feel it." She pulled back to look at me. I wiped her cheeks dry of her tears.

"I want them both back." I felt my own throat go tight with tears I fought for dear life to hide. Reba needs me to be strong for her right now.

"I know." I said quietly.

"Have you thought about what things would've been like if that never happened?" I wiped her cheeks dry again as a fresh batch of tears coated them. This is the first time she's opened up to me on her own about this and I'm not sure I can handle it.

"Every day. That was everything I ever wanted in my life. It was the best thing to ever happen to me." It was her turn to reach up and dry my cheeks before I could hide it.

"Why did this happen?" her voice cracked a little bit. I didn't know what else to say to that so I pulled her close to me. We sat like that, crying together for a while. She looked over my shoulder to the clock on the wall.

"We gotta go." I looked for myself. 10:12. I stood up with a sigh, drying my eyes.

"Alright, come on." I held out my hands and she just crossed her arms.

"Let me do it myself." I rolled my eyes.

"If you break open another stitch, the doctor said he was going to give you the stuff to fix it yourself. You have to take it easy." She just glared at me. "Don't make me pick you up." I warned. Her eyebrows went up.

"You wouldn't dare."

15 minutes later we were sitting in the car on the way to the hospital.

I reached for Reba's hand but she just held her arms tighter around her.

"You're just going to pout?" I teased. She narrowed her eyes at me.

"Don't touch me." She said in a warning voice. I had to laugh as I put my hand back on the wheel.

"Fine, you win."

"Like it should be." She mumbled under her breath. I smiled as I shook my head. I've missed bickering like this. It almost feels like we're back to before the accident. My smile fell some at the thought.

"What was that about?" she asked. I looked over to see her watching me closely. I shook my head before focusing back on the road.

"Nothing."

"Liar." I didn't say a word or move my eyes from the road. "What just crossed your mind?" she asked in a little softer of a voice. I let out a sigh, taking my time in responding to her.

"There for a minute it felt like everything was back to the way it was." I paused, waiting to see her reaction out of the corner of my eye. She had none. "I miss what we were. Our conversation before we left has got me thinking too. I screwed everything up." She looked away from me.

"You know what Dr. Bradley said about saying things like that." She said quietly.

"I know." I said just as quietly.

"We could never be what we use to be. You know that don't you?" I could tell she was trying to look at me but just couldn't look me in the face. I looked over at her.

"Never could be, or never will be?" she didn't look up at me. Just kept her eyes on her hands.

"I don't know what to make of us."

"What do you mean? You don't think we're going to work out?" I felt myself panic a little bit. Loosing Reba would be the worst thing to ever happen to me. She's my whole world.

"I don't know. It's taking everything I've got not to pull away when we touch. It shouldn't be that way." She looked out her window as we pulled up to the hospital. I turned the car off and turned in my seat to face her.

"We've just been through a terrible thing Reba. It's going to take time. Like the doctor said, one fencepost at a time." That was Dr. Bradley's motto. _You can't build a fence all at once; you build it one fencepost at a time._

"I know." She said quietly. I didn't know what to say so I opened my door and went around the car to get the wheel chair out of the trunk. My mind was reeling a million miles a minute as I closed the lid and walked over to Reba's open door with the chair.

"Ready?" she nodded. I helped her into the chair silently before getting in the back seat to get her purse and bag of stuff the doctor required.

"Are you mad at me?" I hit my head on the top of the car at her words. I carefully pulled my head and torso out of the car as I rubbed my throbbing head.

"What?" I asked in shock. She looked ready to cry.

"Are you mad at me? Tell me the truth." I just looked at her in confusion.

"What could I possibly be angry with you about?" she just looked at me with her sad eyes.

"At this point, it could be anything." I knelt down by her side, taking her arms in my hands gently.

"Reba, you have done nothing to anger or upset me. The only reason I am angry and upset is because I can't figure out how to help you. It scares me to death." I squeezed her arms just a little bit. "You could never do ANYTHING to anger me like that honey, I promise you that." I said sternly. She just sat there trying not to cry for what seemed like forever.

"Why do you care so much?" I just looked at her, almost scared to say my reason; afraid she would close herself off like last time. "Tell me." She said real soft.

"Because I love you. I love you so much it hurts." I said honestly. She just looked away again, trying to shrug away from my touch. I held firm to arms, refusing to give in to this again.

"Please don't say that." She said as a tear rolled down her face. Her eyes were closed tight.

"I'm not going to beat around the bush anymore Reba, it's the truth you asked for. I miss telling you I love you, I miss holding your hand, I miss kissing you good morning, and I miss being your partner. I know you're hurting honey, so am I. but you won't open up to me. When you do it's only for a minute. I'm here for you Reba, please let me be here for you." I pleaded. She tried pulling away again as the tears took over.

"Let go of me." She said pushing me away as hard as she could. I fell backwards, landing hard on my back, smacking my head against the pavement. I closed my eyes for a minute as my hands found my head. The world was spinning like crazy as I tried to sit up, failing as I lay back down.

"Mr. Fisher, are you alright?" Dr. Bradley's voice said from out of nowhere. I opened my eyes to see three of him dancing around above me.

"Just fine." I said as I covered my eyes with a heavy sigh.

"Why don't we get the two of you back into my office before one of you gets hurt any worse." He helped me to stand as I held the back of my head. He pushed Reba into the building and to the elevators. I leaned on the back wall wishing the world would stop spinning like it was. I looked over to see Reba looking forward intently, a million thoughts rushing through her brain. She must've felt my gaze because she looked over at me suddenly.

"Stop staring at me like that." I held up my hands in surrender and looked away.

"Sorry." Dr. Bradley looked between us.

"I have a feeling we have a lot to talk about since Monday." I looked over at him.

"You'd be surprised what happens in one day, let alone two." I said making a face.

"Well if you knew how to take a hint." Reba mumbled angrily. I just rolled my eyes, too tired to fight anymore.

X xx xxx xx x xx xxx xx x

Reba

"Okay, so who wants to start today?" Dr. Bradley said as he sat in his chair, clicking his pen.

"Why do you even ask when you know you're going to make me?" he just laughed.

"Because there's always a chance Mr. Fisher might have news for me." I rolled my eyes.

"Actually, I do." Scott spoke up. I shot daggers at him, wishing he wasn't here. He ignored me as he looked at the doctor.

"Where would you like to start then?" Scott took a deep breath, still refusing to look at me.

"Every time it seems like we make any progress at all, she shuts me out and pushes me away as fast as she can. Is it something I've done or what? I'm walking on egg shells all the time and I'm getting confused on what I'm supposed to be doing." I raised an eyebrow in angry frustration. I knew he meant well but I wasn't about to let him know that.

"Well, it's not a matter of who's in the right or wrong here. It's more about who's willing to compromise on certain things." He gestured to me. "Sometimes when Reba is willing to open up, you may think it's your only chance and jump in too soon." He pointed at Scott. "And maybe sometimes when you're opening up, she's not ready to handle it or doesn't know how to handle it. This is something you two are going to have to learn. A steady medium." He looked over at me. "And from what I've seen just today, you have a tendency to be overly violent." I felt my temper rise to hide my guilt.

"You weren't there to see what he was doing." I said as I crossed my arms. He smiled.

"You'd be surprised how much I saw." I raised an eyebrow. "Should I mention your violence?" I narrowed my eyes.

"I really didn't have any other choice."

"You had many if you would've stepped back and looked at the situation like we've talked about." He crossed his legs, never breaking eye contact with me. "You could've listened to him, told him your thoughts, asked him to let you go, or even reasoned with him. Anything above violence."

"Well lets put you in a situation like that and see how you respond." I snapped. He just smiled and shook his head.

"I did deserve it. I pushed too far. But I'm just so tired of not having my fiancée anymore, I miss her so much. I can see her, but she won't let me near." Scott said looking over at me. I looked away, not able to take it anymore.

"What are your thoughts on what Scott just said Reba?" Dr. Bradley asked.

"I don't know. I just want him to stop." I said closing my eyes. I felt my heart twisting in my chest.

"Can you explain why at least?"

"Do I have too?" I said quietly.

"I think it would mean a lot to Scott if you did." He nudged lightly. I let out a sigh.

"When he gets like that, like we use to be, the 'I love you's' and stuff like that, there's just a voice in my head that screams to stop, to not let anything be. I can't help it. when we get close like that, it feels wrong." I said looking down at my hands.

"Why do you think it feels wrong exactly?"

"Because of everything that's happened it just feels wrong."

"Reba, you know how I feel, you know I'd do anything to help you, right?" Scott said in a shaking voice. I could tell he was about to cry.

"But I don't want you to be." I said quietly.

"Why is that?" the doctor urged.

"I want to have to go through this on my own. He shouldn't be here for me like this." I said angrily.

"Reba, he is supposed to be there for you. He's soon to be your husband. How is it okay for you to keep your feelings to yourself like this?"

"Because we lost our baby." I snapped. "I shouldn't have him around me at all." I said pointing at him angrily. When I looked over and saw the hurt look on Scott's face, I regretted everything I just said.

X xx xxx xx x xx xxx xx x

After we got home from a silent car ride, Scott let me lay on the couch, waiting for Cheyenne to come over. He left for the store to get my medicine and a few groceries, leaving me home alone. I laid there thinking about everything said at therapy and how many hurtful words I said to Scott because I was angry. I felt tears well up in my eyes as I went down the list of things I said to him.

_Ring, ring, ring!_

I jumped when my phone started going off. I half hoped it was Scott; I need to tell him I'm sorry, that I was way wrong. I looked down at it to see an unknown number. My doctor comes up as an unknown, so I answered.

"Hello?" I waited for Dr. Bradley's voice to come through the line.

"Hi Reba." My eyes went wide at Barbra Jean's voice.

"Well, you have some nerve calling me after what you did." I said angrily as I sat up.

"I know you want nothing to do with me Reba, I get it. But please let me explain." I rolled my eyes.

"Give me one good reason why I should give you that right?"

"Because I would give you that much." I clenched my jaw.

"That's not even a reason, let alone a good one. I've cut you way too much slack Barbra Jean; I let you into my life when everyone said I was crazy. I trusted you when I knew better than too and look how that turned out." I snapped. "I'm not giving you anything again." I barked before hanging up angrily. I let out a frustrated grunt as I slapped my phone down on the table.

"You okay mom?" Cheyenne said from the kitchen doorway. I turned to see a worried look on her face.

"I never want to hear from that woman again." I snapped.

"Why won't you hear her out? She might have changed some things." I narrowed my eyes at her.

"What, are you on her side now?" she walked over and sat in the chair by the divider, one hand on her pregnant belly. _I'll never get to do that…_ I shook those thoughts away before they could take me under.

"No, I'll always be on your side mom, what I'm saying is, I think she deserves to at least be heard out." I rolled my eyes as I leaned my back against the couch.

"Your opinion." She smiled at me, causing me to smile back.

"So I heard you beat the snot out of Scott today." I kept my smile on my face as I shook my head.

"It wasn't on purpose." She laughed.

"And why don't I believe that?" I laughed too.

"Because you're smart." She rolled her eyes.

"So what was the reason behind it this time?" my smile fell as I looked down at my hands.

"I don't know if I can even explain it." I said quietly.

"Could you try?" I let out a little sigh.

"I started to open up to him, he pushed me to open up more, and I felt the walls start to close in on me. I couldn't take it." I felt my eyes glaze again.

"He only means well mom. He's scared to death because of all this. He doesn't know what to think or do." I wiped my eyes and fought off another round of tears.

"Then why do I hate him so much sometimes?" she didn't say anything for a long time.

"That's just how you're built." I looked up at her.

"What does that mean?"

"It's just how you're built." She said with a smile.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning I sat at the kitchen counter with my left leg propped up on the other chair, watching Scott make breakfast. He was chopping onion in front of me for my omelet.

"Want any help?" I asked to break the silence between us.

"I think I've got everything pretty well handled. Just relax and enjoy; it'll be done here in a minute." He said not looking up at me. His voice was his soft and sweet tone. It bothers me that he won't look up at me.

"Want me to set the table?" I was intently waiting for him to look up at me.

"You can hardly stand, let alone move. Do you really think that's a good idea?" he asked with a small smile as he turned around to put the onions in the egg bowl. He glanced in my direction for a split second, making my breath catch.

"I want to help." I said putting my palms down on the counter.

"Well I don't know what to tell you Reba, there's not much to do." He said pouring the eggs into the pan. I let out a big sigh.

"I don't like this."

"Like what?" he asked, not turning around. I stared at his back, not wanting to answer him.

"Never mind." He didn't say anything after that. Just cooked the eggs.

"Knock, knock." I looked over to see Brock standing in the doorway.

"Come on in." Scott said, not moving from his spot at the stove.

"I was hoping I could talk Reba for a minute; that okay?" Scott nodded.

"You'll have to help her into the living room, I can't leave the eggs." Scott said looking over his shoulder. At that Brock helped me off my chair and wobbled me into the living room. When we were seated on the couch, he just stared at me. I raised an eyebrow, slightly uncomfortable.

"Is there a reason you felt the need to be alone in a room with me just to stare at me like a creep?" I asked as I crossed my arms. He shook his head with a smile.

"Sorry, just not sure how to start this." I felt my stomach do a flip.

"Start what?" he looked back at me with a sigh.

"Cheyenne wanted me to talk to you." Both of my eyebrows went up. He put his hands up to stop me. "She's worried about you and said you wouldn't talk to her because she's your daughter; she said you would to your best friend." I sighed, realizing he had a point.

"So what is she worried about?" I asked as I leaned back on the couch.

"Well honestly, a lot." He said not meeting my eyes completely. "But she said the way you've been acting towards Scott has really got her concerned." I narrowed my eyes at him.

"So you're coming to me to talk about how I'm acting towards Scott?"

"Yes, actually I am." He said nervously.

"And this is supposed to be okay with me?" I was trying to keep my temper under control.

"You did it for me with Barbra Jean for years. Why is it suddenly weird?" I ran a hand down my face as I let out a sigh. He made sense.

"Fine, what are you going to lecture me about?"

"Well for starters, you beat the crap out of him because he wouldn't leave you alone." He said folding his hands as he gave me a look. I rolled my eyes.

"He pushes. You learned not too didn't you?" he smiled.

"Actually no, because I still do. I just learned how to avoid the violence." I laughed a little at that. "Why would you be okay with hurting him physically? Don't you think the mental damage is enough for both of you without adding onto it for each other all the time?" I let out a sigh.

"I'm not okay with hurting him Brock." I defended. "It just happens before I can stop it." I looked down at my hands waiting for him to say something. When he didn't I kept talking. "Yesterday at therapy was horrible. I said so many hurtful things, trying to hurt him because I was mad. He's hardly looked at me since we left the office." I said quietly.

"He knows you didn't mean it right?" I didn't say anything. "Reba you did tell him none of what you said was true didn't you?" I shook my head.

"I don't know how too, I think he really believes I hate him."

"Do you?" I looked up at him in disgust.

"How could you even think that?"

"Well after some of the things Cheyenne's heard you say to him, even she's starting to believe it." I let out a sigh and though over all the things I've said.

"When I feel like I did yesterday, I really believe I hate him. I feel like I need to hurt him for what he's done to me." I stopped to take a breath. "But then at times like now, I want to take it all back. I shouldn't blame him just because I'm hurt. He didn't do this to me." I said placing my hand over my hollow belly. "I just want to take it all back." I whispered.

"Tell him that. You'd be surprised what letting him in the loop can fix." He said softly. He reached over and squeezed my hand. "Don't make the same mistakes we made Reba. Scott's not like I was, he'll stick it out, but some things just can't be undone." I looked up at him, trying not to cry.

"How do I tell him?" the corner of Brock's mouth turned up in a small smile.

"You already did." I looked at him confused. Brock turned and pointed to the divider behind him where Scott was coming into view. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I looked at his sad expression.

"I'm sorry." I managed to get out quietly. He disappeared from sight before coming into the living room. Brock stood and Scott took his place on the couch.

"So am I." he started to reach for my hand but pulled back.

"I didn't mean any of that; I don't know how I said it. It's eating me alive that I did say it when-"

"I know, I heard what you said." He said cutting me off. "Answer me this, do you hate me?" he looked at me sadly, expecting the worst. I started to shake my head.

"No, no I don't." he didn't show any relief.

"How do you feel then?" I just looked at him. I couldn't tell him I love him, but I can't not say it either.

"Do you love him?" Brock asked, catching on to my thoughts. I nodded, grateful for the out. "Say it to him." He pushed. I just glared at him. Scott stood, catching on to my reluctance.

"Your omelet's done." He said heading back into the kitchen. I just watched him walk away.

"What the heck was that?" Brock asked in angry shock. I looked over at him with narrowed eyes. "You guys were finally getting to a place we never even knew existed, and you just let him walk away?"

"What was I supposed to do?" I defended.

"I don't know; tell him you love him if you actually do. If you don't, he doesn't know Reba. He deserves too." I ran a hand down my face before resting my face in my hands, my elbows on my knees. "Look Reba," Brock said sitting beside me. "I know this won't be fixed overnight. But you've got something worth saving here; don't let it slip away like everyone in this family if famous for."

"Can we please change the subject?" I said without lifting my head. He didn't say anything for a minute.

"Okay, you'll be happy to know I talked to Barbra Jean for the first time since Henry told me off three weeks after the divorce." I sat up to look at him.

"This is your idea of a better topic to talk about?" he shrugged.

"That was topic number two we needed to go over." I rolled my eyes.

"I've never missed the ability to get up and walk away more than right now." I said as I looked at the front door.

"All joking aside, we really need to talk about this." I let out a heavy sigh as I faced Brock.

"What needs talked about?"

"Barbra Jean is moving back to Houston." My eyes went wide.

"What?"

"Henry misses the family; Cheyenne, Van, Kyra, Elizabeth… you." My eyebrows went up.

"You're sitting here with a straight face, trying to tell me that your son misses me?"

"That's what I'm saying. My son misses you and hates me." He stood and ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

"You know that's not true." I said quietly.

"Ya know, I'm having a hard time believing that anymore Reba." He shook his head as he paced in front of the coffee table. "My son flat out refused to talk to me today. He won't even come back to Houston until he has too because he knows I'm going to want to see him." He said waving his arms. "I mean, why wouldn't I want to see my son, even if he hates me? Should I just be a bad dad and not care? That's what he wants from me."

"Brock, you know under this whole hatred act that Henry loves you. Kyra did this to me too, remember?" he looked over at me.

"Yeah, but we made her have to see you, Henry isn't being pushed by Barbra Jean." I let out a sigh as I tried to think of a solution to his problem.

"Maybe you should talk to her about it. Set up legal visitation times that he can't get out of. Then he's forced to see you." He just shook his head.

"I just don't know anymore Reba. I'm too old to have to worry about this type stuff. I should be worried about our grandkids, not my twelve year old son hating me." I ran a hand through my hair.

"He's twelve; he's going to hate you. It's one of the many joys of having a preteen." I said as I leaned on my knees. "Did you learn nothing from our three kids?"

"That's different, Cheyenne and Kyra hated you not me, and Jake was just kind of a ditz." I laughed at his referral to our son.

"But you had to break up a lot of the fights between me and the girls, didn't you take anything from that?" he leaned on the chair, crossing his arms.

"No, not really." I rolled my eyes.

"You're doing your job if they hate you. If they don't, you've got a few things to change. The only complication here is Barbra Jean isn't here. He has a way to avoid you." He just stared off into space. "Maybe them moving back to Houston is a good thing. It'll force you two into that magic uncomfortable zone you guys complain about so much." He rolled his eyes, very annoyed by me.

"You're just saying that."

"No Brock, I'm not. You know I don't just say a bunch of stuff just to hear myself bitch," he cracked a smile at that. "I'm not Barbra Jean here Brock. I don't try to BS you."

"I know, I know." He said laughing a little. "Thank you." I smiled back at him.

"No problem." We sat there in the quiet for a little while.

"Your omelet's probably cold." I just looked over at Brock and his stupid little comment.

"I don't care." I shrugged.

"You're not hungry?" I shook my head.

"I'm not hungry very much anymore. Plus I know Scott's in there and I just don't know what to do." I let out a heavy sigh as I rested my head on the back of the couch.

"Be honest with him." I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, since that worked so well the first time." I said laying on the sarcasm.

"You weren't honest with him Reba, you were honest with me, then went mute in front of him." I narrowed my eyes at him.

"You're a monkeys butt." He rolled his eyes.

"Fine, I'm a monkeys butt. But if it'll make you listen, then I'm happy to be." He said sternly. I just crossed my arms. "You need him in your life, end of story. Talk to him, if you're scared to tell him you love him, then tell him that. He needs to know. It's not fun being on the other end of a situation like this. It'll kill him." I closed my eyes. "Have you two shown any affection besides holding hands and what the therapist suggested?"

"No. when he thinks I'm asleep he opens up to me and tells me he loves me. The other night he gave me a kiss when he thought I wouldn't notice. But besides that no." he shook his head with a sigh.

"You haven't kissed your fiancée?" I rolled my eyes.

"No."

"There's the problem. Just give him a big ole kiss, tell him how you feel. It'll make everything easier for the both of you."

"Do you realize how dumb you sound right now?" he laughed.

"Don't I always?"

X xx xxx xx x xx xxx xx x

"Did you take your medication?" Scott asked as he sat on the edge of the bed, his back to me.

"Yes."

"Did you drink a bottle of water?" I took a swig of it.

"I'm finishing it up right now." I said looking down at my almost empty bottle. He finished taking his shoes and socks off and scooted onto the bed more, still not looking at me.

"So it's alright if I go to sleep?" he asked before taking his watch off.

"I guess so." I said looking at the closed book on my lap.

"You guess?" he asked as he set his watch on the nightstand.

"I was hoping we could… you know, talk." He stopped and looked over at me.

"You really want to talk?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yes I do. If you want too." I said nervously as I looked at my feet.

"If you're not going to hit me, then yes." I nodded. "What is it you want to talk about?"

"Us." I said not moving.

"Us?" I took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry." I didn't say anything for a minute, trying to gain my composure. "You know I don't mean most of what I say right?" I asked looking over at him, trying not to cry.

"I know."

"And you know how I-" I took a deep breath. "How I feel right?"

"Anymore, no. No I don't." he said quietly. I waited for what seemed like years before finally having the courage to tell him.

"I… love you Scott." I said nervously. He was quiet.

"Are you saying that because you mean it; or because you know it's what I need to hear?" I looked over at him to see his guard was up. He was scared to death I was going to hurt him. I blinked back tears.

"I mean it. I just don't understand why this is so hard." I said as a few tears snuck out.

"Oh honey." He said scooting onto the bed more and pulling me close to him. "I'm so sorry you feel this way." He said into my hair as I buried my face in his chest to hide my soft sobs.

"I do love you Scott, I'm just so afraid of losing you." he pulled me closer to him.

"I love you too Reba, but I'm not going anywhere, I never will. I'm always going to stay right here." After a while of him comforting me, I just laid in his comforting embrace.

I sat up a little to look at him. He looked right back at me with a comforting smile on his lips. I placed my hand on his cheek and looked into his eyes.

"Reba honey." He said trying to stop what I was doing. I ignored him and brought our lips together very softly. I forgot what this feeling was, it was wonderful. He held back at first, but after a minute of me ignoring his resistance, he let it happen. It went a little deeper as he pulled me closer to him. Our lips still weren't as together as a normal kiss would've been, but for the moment, it was perfect.

He cupped my face with one hand and brought our lips together completely. His tongue brushed against my lips, asking for entrance. I didn't deny him as his tongue moved into my mouth gently. I tried moving closer to him but my cast got in the way. I let out a little gasp of pain as our lips broke apart.

"Are you alright?" he asked looking at me with worry sketched in his eyes.

"My cast twisted. I'm fine." I said as I fixed my leg. I looked back at him as his thumb rubbed my cheek softly.

"But are you alright?" he asked referring to my mental state. I looked away from his eyes as I nodded.

"I think so." I rested my head on his chest.

"Tell me if that changes okay?" he said as he wrapped his arms around me. I nodded.

"I will."


	7. Chapter 7

Two weeks passed as I tried to act normal with Scott. He knew as well as I did that most of it was forced, but he wasn't pushing me. As long as I was trying, he would back off on the whole overly worried thing.

To distract myself from Scott and what little remained of my normal life; I focused all my attention on Hailey. It seemed to be helping tremendously which only drove me to try even harder.

"Honey, why don't you put your laptop away for the night and give your brain a rest." Scott said as he sat down on his side of the bed.

"Because rest doesn't get me my daughter back." I said not moving my eyes from my current task.

"But if you rest for the night, you'll be able to put up a better fight tomorrow. You're going to overdo yourself Reba, and if that happens, it's not going to look good for you getting her back." I thought about it for a minute before letting out a sigh as I closed my computer. He was right.

"I guess so." I put the computer on my dresser and lay down with my back to Scott. Today's been one of those days where I don't want him to even acknowledge my presence. I just wanted to be completely left alone.

"You guess so?" his lamp flickered off and I felt his arm wrap around me from behind. I tensed up.

"That's what I said isn't it?" I said through my teeth.

"Aren't you the one who always tells the kids never to guess, always be certain of yourself?"He said as he snuggled his nose in my hair. I didn't care for his teasing at all at this given moment. I stood up, leaving his embrace and walked towards the door.

"Where are you going?" he asked confused.

"This isn't the only bed in this house." I said not bothering to look back at him. I made my way into Jake's old room mumbling to myself about how irritating Scott was. As I crawled under the covers Scott came into the room.

"Why're you sleeping in here?" he asked worried like as he stood by the bed. I rolled my eyes at his ignorance.

"Because I got tired of being picked apart in my own bed." I snapped back at him.

"I wasn't picking you apart; I was trying to make you smile."

"You sure have a way with words then don't you?" I mumbled as I rolled my eyes.

"Look Reba, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." he said sitting beside me and placing his hand on my arm. The feel of his touch infuriated me beyond belief.

"Don't touch me." I snapped.

"You told me you liked my touch, that it made you feel safe." He said confused by my sudden change in opinion.

"Yeah well now it's only pissing me off." He didn't say anything for a while.

"Look, will you please come back to bed? I won't touch you again or I'll sleep in here or on the couch if you don't want me near you. But you deserve to be in your own bed Reba." He said trying to make everything right again. It only made me angrier because he was so good to me. I turned to face him as I sat up.

"Why are you even trying to be nice to me?" I snapped. "Don't you think I deserve to sleep in another bed besides my own? I treat you like scum beneath my feet and you treat me so good, why?" I yelled angrily. He looked so hurt.

"Because that's what you're supposed to do for the one you love. No matter what you do to try and make me hate you, it'll never work." I felt my chest tighten up as I stood up and headed out of the room. I made it halfway down the hallway before my breathing got shallower and my heart started pounding. I knew Scott was behind me a ways to give me space so I forced myself to keep walking.

I felt myself go lightheaded and I leaned against the wall as my breathing became shallowed gasps.

"Reba?" before he got to my side I slid to the floor. A panic attack was hitting me hard.

"Reba, breath." He said hitting his knees beside me and taking my shoulders in his hands. I felt myself panicking as I fought for a breath. "Listen to me, look at me, hold my eyes." I did as he said. "Now deep breath, deep breath, deep breath." He repeated those words until my breathing became close to normal again. "Are you okay?" he asked as his thumbs brushed my cheeks softly. I must've started crying during my attack.

"I think so." I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the wall. "I'm so tired now."

"They take a lot out of you, I understand. Let's get you back to bed and I'll take Jake's room okay? You need to rest." He said softly. I nodded as he picked me up and carried me to bed. After I was under the covers he started to stand.

"Wait." He stopped and looked at me. "Please stay in here with me. I don't want to be alone if I have another attack." I said sheepishly. He smiled.

"Of course I will." He climbed on his side of the bed and made sure not to get too close to me. But after my attack, i feel like my mental state has shifted. I cautiously curled up next to him and rested my head on his back. He rolled over to look at me.

"Everything okay?" he asked softly. I nodded.

"I just feel kind of scared right now." I said quietly. He didn't say another word, just held me in his arms as I fell asleep.

X xx xxx xx xx xxx xx x xx xxx xx x

"_Only three more months." Scott said with a huge smile as he placed his hand on my pregnant belly. I smiled right back._

"_I'm so excited." I said as I looked over at him. He leaned over and gave me a sweet kiss._

"_I love you. Both of you." he said pecking my lips again._

"_And we both love you." his smile grew. "I can't wait to see our baby." He placed a kiss on the baby. _

"_I know boy or girl, they'll be as pretty as their mama." I rolled my eyes as I tried not to smile._

"_And as charming as their daddy." He batted his eyes with a big grin._

"_Definitely going to be a piece of work isn't she?" we both laughed at how true those words were bound to be._

My eyes flew open to a cold dark room. I looked over to see Scott sleeping soundly with his arm draped over me.

I closed my eyes as they filled with tears. I felt my chest rapidly tightening and knew another attack was on its way. I tried to keep my breathing steady but despite my attempts, they became short and shallow.

I reached over and started to try and shake Scott awake. It was hard to manage but it didn't take much to wake him up.

"What's going on, what happened?" he asked confused and worried. I couldn't speak, only lay there feeling like I was dying. When he realized it was another panic attack he jumped up and started fumbling through the nightstand drawer for my pills. He popped one out and reached for one of the water bottles we were told to keep by the bed. Over all it took him under a minute to do all that but it felt like an eternity.

My heart was pounding so fast and hard felt like it was about to burst out of my chest. I was terrified and it only seemed to make it all the more worse.

"Breath, sit up for me and take a deep breath." He said pulling me into a sitting position. I tried to breath but it refused to come. "Reba, look at me. Don't take your eyes off mine, understand me?" I nodded slightly and held his eyes. "Breath, deep breath. I'm right here."

After a few minutes I felt a little better and was lying back down. Scott was stroking my hair gently. I closed my eyes and tried not to cry, knowing it would only make it worse.

"You feeling alright?" he asked softly. I nodded slightly. "Why don't you take your pill, okay?" I nodded a little bit again, not trusting my voice.

I propped myself up on one elbow and popped it in my mouth, taking a swig of water with it before laying back down.

"Thank you." I said not really meeting his eyes.

"You don't have to thank me." I didn't say a word to that. I closed my eyes as his fingers traced the side of my face. "So what caused all this?" I opened my eyes and just looked at the ceiling.

"Everything."

"It's 3:58 in the morning honey, was it a dream, were you awake, what happened?" I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"I keep dreaming about the baby." His hand stopped moving on my face for a split second before trying to regain its previous pace.

"Is that a good thing?" he asked quietly. I could tell he didn't know how to respond to that.

"I don't know." I said simply. I stood up and headed across the room.

"Where are you going?" I stopped at the doorframe and looked back at him as I rested my head on it.

"I'm going to go sit outside. I need a little fresh air."

"Want me to come with you?" I shook my head as I pushed off the doorframe to stand straight.

"No, I think I'm going to call Lori Anne. I need a distraction right now." I partially lied.

"Alright, I'll come check on you later okay?" I nodded as I forced a smile and headed down the hallway. As soon as I got downstairs I picked up the house phone and dialed Lori Anne's number.

"Hello?" she said real sleepy after a few rings.

"I need to talk to you." I said as I headed out the back door.

"Reba? What's wrong?" she was in a groggy state of worry.

"I can't get past anything. The panic attacks are happening a whole lot more and these dreams are ripping me apart." I said blinking back tears as I sat on the ground beside the garage.

"Those dreams will never go away honey. I wish I could tell you they'll magically go away but I'd be lying." I rested my head on the garage wall as a few tears rolled down my face against my will. "But I can promise you the panic attacks will go away. It just takes time. I promise." I nodded even though I know she can't see me.

"It hurts so much." I said as I balled up my fist and held it to my chest like I could take the pain away.

"I know honey, I know." She said sympathetically. "Does Scott know about any of this?"

"He's walked me through all of my panic attacks, he's done everything I wish he wouldn't, but I haven't gone into detail about the dreams to him." I said swallowing the growing lump in my throat.

"Have you with anyone?" I shook my head.

"No."

"I know you don't want to hear this, but it'll help you to tell someone. Scott would be the best person for that."

"He's hurting too; I can't do that to him. Whenever I mention the baby I can see it in his eyes, it hurts him to talk about it or to hear about it. I won't do that to him."

"Reba listen to me, you both are hurting like hell. It's going to hurt both of you to talk about this but you have to get past it. It's a step you both have to take together okay?"

"Reba?" just then Scott came around the side of the garage, still only in his boxers. "Are you okay?"

"Is that him?"

"Yes it's Scott. Hold on Lori Anne," I said as I put the phone down.

"I'm alright." I said looking at him as he sat beside me.

"Good. I got really worried about you." I wiped under my eyes to hide the fact that I'd been crying. I knew he could tell anyways.

"Just really hard to deal with right now." I said looking down. He reached over and took my hand.

"I know it is. But you're not alone Reba." He said as he squeezed my hand. I looked up at him.

"Sure feels like it anymore." He lifted my chin to look at him.

"You're not." He said looking me in the eyes. "I'm right here Reba, I don't want you to go into these attacks because you're keeping things bottled up. If you need to get it all out, come to me. I'm here for you to talk too anytime, okay?" I blinked back a few tears as I nodded my head.

"Thank you Scott." he squeezed my hand again and smiled. "Why don't you head back up to bed, I'll be up in just a minute." I said pointing to the phone. "I need to wrap it up here anyway." He leaned over and kissed my forehead before standing.

"Tell her I say hello." I nodded. "See you in a few." He said with a small smile as he headed back into the house.

"I'm back." I said with a sigh as I pressed the phone to my ear.

"Don't lie to him honey." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"I'm not lying to him."

"You told him you were fine when we both know that's a lie."

"Yeah well I'm working on it." I said getting frustrated.

"Go up to bed and let your husband hold you."

"What?"

"You heard me. Reba, go hold your husband till everything's okay."

"Not everything's that simple."

"Yes it is. Go do it."

"I think I might actually."

X xx xxx xx x xx xxx xx x xx xxx xx x

Scott 

I lay in bed staring at the ceiling after Reba sent me back inside. The things she said on the phone still burning holes through my brain.

How could she think all those things? She won't open up to me because she knows I'm hurting? But aren't I doing the same to her?

Just then I saw a shadow scurry through the hallway and I sat up. I felt my curiosity grow as I crawled out of bed and tip toed into the hallway. I could see the door to the baby's room was cracked slightly. I inched closer and peeked inside.

Reba was sitting in the middle of the floor holding the very first teddy bear I bought for the baby. It broke my heart to see her sitting there so helpless.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was already in the room, down on my knees by her side, and pulling her into a hug.

"Reba, I don't know what to do." I said into her hair as I started to cry.

"What do you mean?" she asked in surprise, her voice was thick with tears.

"I feel like part of me died. I can't wrap my head around the fact that the baby's gone. How, why?" she pulled me into a tighter embrace.

"I don't know either. It hurts so much." Nothing was said for a while as we sat and cried together.

"I need to know." She said with her cheek still pressed against my chest.

"Need to know what?" I asked quietly.

"What the baby was going to be." She got quiet. "Where's the paper?" she asked as she looked up at me.

"It's in the drawer of the changing table." I said as I stared at it. I slowly stood up and walked towards it. I reached out for the drawer with a shaking hand and opened it to see the little envelope.

I slowly reached in and pulled it out before turning towards Reba. She had tears in her eyes but a strong look on her face. She wanted to know what we lost.

I sat down beside her and she took it from me cautiously. Her hands were shaking as she opened the envelope to reveal the little paper inside. She pulled it out and we both looked at the same time to see the words: "_it's a baby girl"_ written out on it.

I felt myself start to cry. I now know what I lost; I lost a daughter… my baby girl.


End file.
